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Blog 2006.21


I had a good day for the most part with my family after radio.
All day, I ignored the part where first thing this morning i was ordered to stop contact with a man that changed my life for the better.
That man gave me the boost I needed to let go of the past. I Dishonored him by snapping at the person who ordered me to leave. They are going through the hardest roughest time ever. I get it. That person don’t get that I get it because to them, I am the manure on their boot. I had no manners. The person that ordered me to leave never gave a damn about me from the beginning so I was considered the intruder.
I hadn’t slept last night from fighting a 1-2 month long candida infection in my kidney, a headache all last night and systemic nerve spasms from blood sugar collapse. Yet I went to work, sacrificed myself for my family and others. And to be ordered to go away on the one day I didn’t need to… Not only was it a day I felt like giving up on finding friends, but it was father’s day. And I have no father. My own grandfather hadn’t taken time to hug or even talk to me. I was condemned to a lonely rejected life. And you wonder why I can’t get enough.
Well, let’s say it was a great final lesson.
Although I’m pretty good about not mixing marketing in Facebook with pleasure, I have failed several times. I don’t have the luxtury of a P.R. agent to keep me from making mistakes online. My job is to tell you the truth. To make a difference in the world. Make you think.
Up until today, I haven’t been able to write about living after surviving.
Here’s the deal. In order to live, you must recognize that you will have days that you will lose your strength, your face, and your good name. There are days you will cry that you don’t want to fight another day. There are days you will make people hate you.
Then, there’s the day you realize that by choosing to live, learn, love and laugh, you will rise up a warrior. Bit by bit, you will put part of the past behind you until all of your battles in one field is fought. It’s time to move to the next square. You may not win some, but that’s okay. Rejoice, because you get to do it again. It’s a daily choice. A daily battle. Survival of the fittest. I was not given the cards of a close knit kind. I was given the deck of cards where I live my card. I am not talking to those with close support. I am talking to the loner, the loser, the street rat, the pissant. You will shine in the darkest corner. You will be a beaken of hope to those without hope. If I can do it, you can do it. If you can do it, others can. If the wind can reach to the heavens, so can you walk through the juggle. .
Being unstoppable doesn’t mean the road won’t be Rocky. Being unstoppable and unforgettable means spirit. Be chivalrous. Be more than a survivor. Celebrate as a warrior. Live. Smell the roses even after you prick your finger.
Compassion isn’t always care nor care compassion. You can still show compassion without staying in someone’s life. You can help them through bumps and falls in the jungle. Be proud when they climb a tree.
Instead of pouting all day that I lost two father figures and friends, I smelled the rain. I laughed. I danced. I lived, learned, loved and laughed again.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Could you do me a favor. Can you share this for the pissant in your life. Someday, they’ll be a phoenix for the next pissant.

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