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Living After Surviving

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What hope? I don’t fit in. I know you have said it. Who hasn’t voiced this? Sometimes humans go into a funk because of their diet, but there are other occasions when it is the cards in their hands. Both of these examples have one thing in common: choice. Everything, every adventure and many examples boil down to choice, circumstantial, abstinence or moral founded drive. 

Here in recent weeks, my free time (where I have not had computer access) has revolved around binging ONCE UPON A TIME. Regina is living in a crisis. I know. I know, when is she not? Drama surrounds her and she is contemplating whether or not her story has a fixed fate. Just recently I had another ex-best friend declare that they would be friends with me if I didn’t always find drama. Let me remind others: if you don’t love me, then you can’t live with my drama. Everyone endures drama. If you don’t, then you are a fake, a liar, a thief and you are lazy. If you choose not to deal with someone’s drama, then you two didn’t have a true friendship to begin with. Friends are socially no different than a couple, they just don’t have the intimate glue keeping them from questioning a quick sever. Philia (friend bond) love is a powerful magic and belief is a power beyond weapon. It bonds you together with a pledge of understanding. Ex-friends are not heros, they are the villains in your story. 

Trapped in a deja-vu, I started the day like I had been living and accepting the past few days. Pondering, worrying and focusing my eyesight behind a veil, a wall consumed my every inhale. However, I drifted into the afternoon with the newfound hope I discovered from the tv show. Had I held onto the hope about living real life fairy tales, I would not have had the mental strength to endure yet another trial. This morning, I believed that I could not handle the adventure, drama, nor cards dealt to me. Worrying about my future, I trudged through my routines. A hater had stole my confidence. He had never read my book and never written a book, yet he said I sucked as a writer. If I continued spending my present by living in the unknown, I would not pull in the energy needed to fight, live or survive another day. All my spirit, soul, energy would drain down into the depths never to be retrieved. 

Let’s back up a few months ago. I am sad to say I searched and searched, but I could not locate the particular post I sought on my wall because I had deleted it from all 5 social media accounts. My reasoning around that time is because I am consistently harassed for occasionally posting such truthfully and painful stories. My esteemed author, cosplay, and media colleagues mock me, crying that I am seeking attention and fame the incorrect way.

Well, here I am again, attempting to be a inspiration to the those that need one in their lives. I choose to be someone’s hero and not allow the villains that I encounter to steal the light I have to offer others in order to make the world a better place. 

This particular 18 year old obnoxious teen had mocked a fictitious cancer child. Anyone that is really close to me, understands you don’t pull that horrendous carp. After I shared the story with my hubby, he vocally desired blood dripping from the young man’s chin. Lacking confidence and adrenaline, I had missed my opportunity to slap that son of a fish. I am going to be as honest as I can. In our classroom, we are learning to teach others. You do not joke about certain hardships. You just don’t, especially in such a broad setting of students from different walks of life. I am older than these kids even when they innocently assume I am their age. Again, today I was shocked how another ‘ignorant careless soulless zombie’ could utter another joke. This one was about a child telling Santa the dream of the gift of cancer for the holidays. Well, buddy, I have personally experienced my healthy children begging for cancer so they could be treated with more attention. We even found my toddler son had found a way to climb up and open a bottle of chemo! He was treated at the hospital for poisoning.  

Had I not discovered a new found hope, I know how I would have handled the second time. I would have reacted the same as the first time. I would have been angry and cried for 2 weeks. 

After inhaling and exhaling, I pulled up courage and put him verbally in his place because I remember the lesson from this morning. Minutes, days, months and perhaps years down the road, you and I will be a character in a story, fable, tale. We will be used as a lesson to others. Many of my lectures remind others that no matter what religion, political beliefs or foundations, one can learn from others including teachers, students, enemies, friends, frenemies, relatives, strangers, and stories from history, other cultures, and surroundings. Skip over the repetitive nature of this lecture and capture the point I am making now.  

When your world is all upside down, your eyesight is out of focus, this is the time to willingly seek an answer. How did that person overcome that obstacle? Climb that mountain? Trudge across a desert? You cannot answer the drama in your own life, if you do not accept that you are in a story. You create the future chapters of your life with the choices of today. 

You will not always be a hero. Even heroes can be bad. Villains can choose to change. Just because some will remember you as a crybaby when the times were too much, doesn’t mean that you can let someone else remember you that way. Be the hero in someone else’s eyes. You might have just saved their life or the life of someone they care about. 

We have magic in this world. It’s called belief. I don’t care what you believe in, just find it, hold onto it and fight for it. You are not always going to fall, pick the right direction or carry the cards you wish or deserve. You posses the ability to discover the next lesson in life by choosing to believe that answers still exist. 

From my heart to yours, 

PJae

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