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Stardate 1304.07 – Banning Ostriches

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Banning Ostriches
April 7, 2013

“Here I sit all broken hearted
Had to Sh*t and only Farted
Yesterday I took a chance
Had to Fart and Sh*t my pants.”-unknown

Laughter doeth good like the medicine. Now that you had your spoonful of sugar, its time for the medicine.

It’s been awhile since I wrote some perception of life outside of working on my book. The last long thing I wrote, I deleted because of losing some fans over it. I admit it, I turned into an ostrich.

Friday night, I bumped into a family who had a loved one in the hospital for a brain aneurism while my loved one had a small stroke. It’s a big deal for us, but some would say not as scary because what they are currently going through. The family in no way said that their situation was worse, they were very caring about my mom. I just remember hearing people saying their lives were more difficult outside the hospital. As chance would have it, I was caught with that family during their family meeting which I desperately wanted to avoid. My heart pounded, my nose stuck inside my laptop, the edits would not come. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. Every muscle ached.
“Might not make it….blah blah blah…Even if surgery happened, (loved one) might never go back to a normal life….possible to get better….dangerous surgery…..vegetable for rest of life.”
I pictured myself in that place some 20plus years ago when that type of discussion took place about my dad and 20years before that with his mom.  I remembered the devastation that affected my life, my siblings, and the adults in my life at that time. Thoughts of running came to mind. Running out of that room. Locking up and frowning….crying….aching..…the thought hit me, what good is that going to do? I banned the ostrich.

My mother worried about how much she was sleeping. She didn’t like the fact that a nurse had tried to poke her with a needle when she was drifting off. I explained that the day before, they had to because we couldn’t wake her for them. The nurse didn’t realize that mom was no longer sleeping like that anymore. When I explained that her body was acting like an ostrich and protecting the brain, my sister-in-law laughed but absolutely enjoyed my analogy. So did my mom. It’s her body’s way of mending and that no one blames her and it is quite normal for the body to stall while a major injury gets fixed. Don’t ban this ostrich.

My hubby picked me up for a date. He paraded down the long hall toward me and I did the “happy dance-I will hug you when you get here” dance. A woman crossed the hall and acted like she reached out for me, but when she saw my hubby…well… her eyes filled with horror. I teased her that when I got done hugging him, I would give her a hug. Her eyes welled up and she said that she might need one. But when I turned around after kissing hubby she was gone. I chased her down and gave her a hug. She melted into my arms and let her eyes flow. Suddenly she straightened up and cleared her mind while she explained the details of her aunt. She became an ostrich.

Going to the bathroom, I ran across a man who told me his loved one’s medical condition. I explained that each hospital floor becomes its own clique. I had learned that when my eldest went through cancer at age 3. I had been an ostrich.

Many times over the last several days, I have laughed with these people, and listened to their tears. Even though I wanted to become an ostrich, I was scared to become one. I need to be strong….for others. A spoonful of sugar is better than a spoonful of salt.

My life lesson to the wonderful ears of those interested:
Why is it that we humans ban emotional ostriches only when we are in hospitals? Why can we as a human race, smile and chat with strangers outside of hospitals? Why can we not shoot a gentle nod to passer-by’s in the mall, or at a restaurant. We have shopping and food in common? What happened to the age old question? How is the weather? Nowadays, people use, how are you doing only to be ignored when answering honestly, that hey, I just needed someone to talk to.

Last few years, my health has been rough. When a gal who had done the whole ‘blood sister’ thing with me dropped me like a rotten tomato. She asked me how I was doing during me being in charge of a bday party. Goshdarnit. I quickly answered her because I was busy. I said, my ankle had been bothering, but other than that…I had been very busy. She ignored me after that brief conversation. I found out that was the reason her new hubby said that she had to dump me as a friend. I shouldn’t be surprised she had dumped me before over a man that had beat her. She had turned into an ostrich and I became an ostrich towards people. I didn’t want unreliable friends who promise that they will be there through thick and thin, but they don’t really hold up that bargain when you go through a rough patch in life.

There was a time that I withdrew into my ostrich hole after several times of my family’s health or mine going downhill. Today, I am not. This last few months, I have been a mongoose and afraid of going down that snake hole looking for a cobra. I don’t ever want to be that emotional low again by becoming an ostrich.

There is a time to be an emotional or physical ostrich and there is a time to recognize that you need to look up and around to see if the coast is clear so you can dance in safety.

Once I get my website up and running better, I will be able to move my notes there since I receive letters and complaints that I stopped writing my thoughts down and sharing a tidbit of life, love, and the pursuit of happiness with you.
I’m sorry I was an ostrich and avoided writing notes for my loyal fans.

PJae

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