The knife cut into my heart and twisted, opening yet an old wound. The angel I mentioned in a previous Star Date just canceled triggering tears trickling down my once glowing cheeks. Well, they were two weeks ago, before I fell off a curb, landing on my right ankle and palms.
It’s been a long period, since mid-December to be exact. Adhesions have been strangling my guts (intestines, bladder, ovary) into knots, creating a war of ph levels inside my body. I know because I have already fought this condition with too many surgeries; the last one two weeks before my first con, Smallville 2014. Bawling once again frequently from the pain in secret places, I trudged through several cons this year. Day after day even insomnia laden, I fought to balance my body throughout excruciating pain and skin crawling agony at Empower Con. After Apple with my artist, hives covered my body from head to toe for a little more than 3 weeks. They didn’t disappear one single bit after attempting Benadryl, yeast cleanse nor fighting bacteria. Interestingly enough, the hives disappeared after we paid off some medical bills and confirmed my table at Planet.
There’s no need to explain the reason behind Planet to you. You can find it in a previous episode. (Lol.) My oldest has had a rough school year with unexplained symptoms, bringing up old wounds, fears and concerns. As soon as we can clear up insurance trouble, we’re going to take him in for a complete checkup. He keeps insisting he has hearing damage despite what the audiologist says. We will have to seek possible more expensive, invasive tests to discover answers in the whole story. My nerves about his health has fried my core muscles this entire school year. We were finally going to put some closure to his first health episode with a photo and autograph with Alan Tudyk, star of A Knight’s Tale.
I fear with my desperate desire; I might have scared him away. Or the simple thought of asking ‘what else can go wrong’. That lesson has… (I thought)… been addressed and learned. When I broke the canceled news to the kids, they understood that I was in no condition to power through Planet if Alan is not attending. Sure, they would miss Genie and Simon, but Alan was the source of their excitement. The girls brought me kittens to snuggle with and my main man, Samson the great Pyr, nudged up in my face to console me. My youngest suggested I turn on Star Trek. (I’ve been binge watching since I hurt myself.)
Wow! Speaking of which, this entire episode has been typed out with my left hand. It’s starting to ache.
After falling off the curb, we tried to keep it hush hush, but gossip glossip. Everyone knows I fell. A certain despise develops in my soul because I hate looking weak, broke, or injured. I have worked too hard to build up my name, make people laugh and take a moment to spread the thought of seeking wisdom. No words can describe my emotions when I crawled across the grass, concrete and tiles to get to the restroom at the rest stop during my long trip home after I fell. For me to go strutting through Planet on a scooter sends shivers through my cells. Especially after being asked if I would be at Planet by several people who enjoyed my Darth Maul bellydance performance at Lebanon.
I am breaking my oral law by sharing my trials with you with the idea of making the world a better place. Sure, there are disappointments we face, but it’s how we handle it, shaping and molding our souls. This wasn’t the time in my lifetime to meet Alan; to thank him for his influence in our lives. Perhaps we were holding onto metaphorical closed doors, instead of moving to another neighborhood. Heath Ledger was human as is Alan Tudyk. That is why I named this episode what I did. It feels like burying Heath again because of Alan’s canceling, but this time, I turned off my tears and face another day of the ups and downs called life. Throughout my entertainment journey, I’ve met many actors, directors and such who are plain ol’ boring humans, trying to entertain others and pay their bills.
If I ever become more famous than just facebook famous, I hope to remember where I am today. No matter what cards are dealt to us (even if they always seem to be a lousy poker hand), I want to retain my gregarious nature and make others laugh.
This is my apology to my fans, if Alan isn’t at Planet, I cannot physically or mentally handle powering through on a scooter with swollen/bruised ankle and wrist. So no bellydancing one legged as previously challenged. My ankle and wrist are really pissed off today just from scooting around in town on family and con business. I’m staying home. My honor can wait to fulfill another event.
Thanks for trying to help us get there. And Thanks for all the consoling messages about Alan’s disappearance.
Signing off for now,