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Writer's pictureJae Byrd Wells

Allowing the consumption of pain and anger

Updated: Jun 9, 2024

Recovering from emotional abuse is a long and difficult process. It involves confronting painful memories, reevaluating toxic relationships, and taking responsibility for our own actions. As victims of emotional abuse, it can be easy to fall into the trap of dishing out the same kind of treatment that we received. However, understanding and acknowledging our own behavior is a crucial step in the healing process.

The word responsibility is derived from two words: "response" and "ability." As human beings, we all have the ability to respond to situations and events in our lives. It is how we choose to respond that ultimately determines our character and integrity. In the midst of chaos and pain caused by emotional abuse, it can be easy to lose sight of our own actions and their consequences. However, allowing the consumption of pain and anger to enter our hearts will harden our hearts and create a looping cycle of pain.

I remember a time when I found myself lashing out at my ex-husband, consumed with hatred and bitterness towards him. He had left me alone in the hospital during a medical emergency, telling me to "get a divorce" instead of offering support or acting as an advocate for my well-being. He even went as far as to discredit me to the doctors, claiming that I was overreacting and seeking attention.

It was during this tumultuous time that I realized I was allowing the pain and anger caused by his emotional abuse to consume me. I found myself mirroring his hurtful behavior, lashing out at him in return. I was not only perpetuating a cycle of toxicity and negativity, but I was also compromising my own values and principles.

Although my ex-husband may have refused to acknowledge the impact of his choices and actions, it did not give me the right to respond in kind. I had to confront the fact that my own behavior was a reflection of my own inner turmoil and pain, rather than a justified retaliation against him. It was a difficult and humbling realization, but it was a crucial step towards my own healing and growth.


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Physician Heal Thyself

Taking responsibility for my actions meant acknowledging the hurt and anger that I was carrying within me, and actively choosing to respond in a way that aligned with my values and morals. It meant setting boundaries and prioritizing my own well-being, even in the face of adversity and provocation.Ultimately, it was through taking responsibility for my own actions that I was able to break free from the cycle of emotional abuse and toxicity that had consumed me for so long. It allowed me to reclaim my power and agency, and to rebuild my sense of self-worth and dignity.

Recovering from emotional abuse is a complex and challenging journey, but it is not one that we have to navigate alone. By acknowledging our own actions and taking responsibility for our behavior, we can empower ourselves to break free from the chains of toxicity and negativity that once bound us. It is a journey towards healing, growth, and self-discovery, and it is a journey that is worth taking.



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If you're struggling with mental health issues or simply need someone to talk to, seeking counseling in your local area is a great step towards seeking help. Fortunately, most cities and towns have a variety of counseling services available, including private practices, community centers, and non-profit organizations.


Harbor House Domestic Violence Shelter






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