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Writer's pictureJae Byrd Wells

Destructive Nature of Coveting

Updated: Jun 9, 2024


a woman looking out the window
Coveting the Beyond

Coveting, an inherent human tendency, can be a dangerous emotion that consumes one's thoughts and leads to dissatisfaction and despair. The Torah reminds us of this in the commandment against coveting our neighbor's wives. The interesting fact is that this law was given to the ancient Israelite without explicitly forbidding polygamy, instead it provides guidelines and restrictions to ensure fair treatment of each wife. Kings were advised to avoid excessive polygamy because it could lead their hearts astray. The exact year of the Torah's writing is debated, but it is widely accepted that it was composed over several centuries, drawing on Israelite history, traditions, and legal codes. It is important to interpret these teachings in light of contemporary understandings, promoting equality and respect in relationships. Single men who lacked one wife, would covet their neighbor's wives so there was a law written to protect the family.

Coveting can lead to infidelity, causing harm to both the cheater and the cheated-on, and it is important to address the underlying issues in a relationship rather than seeking comfort outside of it. Some individuals may be tempted to pursue someone in a complicated relationship, but it is crucial to understand that this behavior is disrespectful and can lead to further harm. Dressing in a suggestive manner does not give anyone the right to assume relationship status or make advances without consent. Open and honest communication is vital in maintaining healthy relationships, and seeking professional help may be necessary. Respecting each other's boundaries is crucial in fostering trust and loyalty. Dealing with cheating spouses requires empathy, respect, and open communication to promote healthy connections and trust in committed partnerships.

Coveting is usually depicted as wanting material possessions until one steals them. Coveting can extend to envying others' relationships, which can be particularly painful for individuals in emotionally abusive situations. Let us explore the detrimental effects of coveting, the feeling of entrapment often experienced by emotionally abused women, and the journey towards finding hope and happiness. When caught in the cycle of emotional abuse, individuals may find themselves coveting the seemingly happy relationships they witness around them. Their own experiences of pain and despair can make it difficult to see a way out. As someone who has been in such a situation, I remember feeling trapped, hopeless, and resentful when seeing couples in love. Coveting became an unhealthy obsession, further fueling my feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction with my own life. I started to notice the destructive nature of coveting and how it affected my life and others' lives around me.

woman looking at watch
Moment in Time

Fortunately, there comes a pivotal moment where individuals find the strength to break free from these destructive patterns. In my case, I made the difficult decision to leave my emotionally abusive relationship. It was a courageous step that required immense self-belief, but it was necessary for my own well-being and happiness.

Leaving an abusive relationship is only the first step towards healing. As I started to rebuild my life, I realized that constantly coveting what others had would only hinder my progress. Instead, I chose to shift my perspective and find hope in the happiness of others. I began to see love, faith, and joy in the relationships of those around me, celebrating their happiness without feeling resentful or envious.

While I may not have what those happy couples have, I have learned the importance of empathy and gratitude. Witnessing the joy and love in others' relationships fills me with hope for my own future, reminding me that happiness is attainable. I have come to appreciate the blessings in my life and genuinely feel happy for those who have found their happiness in love.

Coveting can be a destructive force, leading to dissatisfaction and despair. Emotionally abused individuals often feel trapped, unable to find joy in their own lives. However, by finding the strength to break free from toxic situations, one can embark on a journey of healing and rediscover hope. Looking at happy couples with a sense of empathy and gratitude allows for personal growth and the understanding that happiness is not limited to specific individuals. By focusing on our own well-being and finding solace in the joy of others, we can find hope, faith, and the potential for a brighter future.

woman dancing in the fire
Fire can burn

The saying "misery loves company" holds a significant truth in human interactions. When people are hurting or going through difficult times, it is often easier for them to find solace in the companionship of others who share similar experiences. Hurt individuals may unintentionally project their pain onto others, causing a cycle of hurt and negativity. However, on the flip side, those who have healed and found growth from their own struggles tend to be more inclined to encourage and support others in their journey towards growth. They understand the transformative power of healing and strive to uplift others by offering empathy, guidance, and compassion. Ultimately, while misery may tend to attract itself, the presence of healed individuals can be an antidote that promotes personal growth and shared strength.

I used to look at happy couples and be so jealous of their happiness that it made me angry. Angry at them. Angry at my husband at the time because I couldn't have and enjoy the happiness experienced by others. Now, I see happy couples and I can be happy for them because I am seeking my own happiness. I cannot expect my ex to care about my feelings. He didn't care about them when we were married, so why should I choose to torture myself and expect him to treat me better than he did. Someday, I will have the love that I deserve. Until then, I choose to love myself. My ex chose to burn bridges with me. I choose to let him. I'm good. I am happy. I will not burn bridges with customer service representatives who are just trying to serve me and do their job. I will not spread misery. I will choose to spread happiness.






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