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Writer's pictureJae Byrd Wells

Facing Misogynist Abusers

Updated: Jun 9, 2024

In facing an emotionally abusive young man, my older wiser male friend said that no one cant tell him. At first, I was furious. I mean how are misogynist men going to learn if other men do not tell or teach them?

He's right. He already considers himself a man. He already thinks he knows everything. He already thinks he deserves to treat women with disrespect. He thinks he doesn't have to pay me back because I taught him that it was alright to use and abuse me.

I cannot control others but I can control myself. He has taught me that he is untrustworthy. I taught myself to be afraid of him. It was my choice. Whenever I told this young man he was treating me with disrespect, he would find others to gang up on me with him. He found an army and isolated me.


a boxer facing his opponent
Facing opposition

Emotional abuse is a silent predator that often goes unrecognized, leaving scars that are not visible to the naked eye. It is a form of manipulation that chips away at a person's self-worth, leaving them trapped in a cycle of fear and confusion. For women who find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships, the question often arises: "Why do they choose to be afraid of their abusers?" In this blog entry, we will explore the complex factors that contribute to this phenomenon, shedding light on the shadows that obscure their courage to break free. Emotional abusers are masters of manipulating their victims' minds, distorting their perception of reality. Through gaslighting, their victims begin doubting their own thoughts, feelings, and memories. Over time, this psychological manipulation erodes their self-confidence and independence, fostering a sense of dependency on the abuser. Fear becomes a self-preservation mechanism, meant to prevent further harm and maintain a fragile semblance of stability.

Many emotionally abused women find themselves isolated from support networks, whether due to the abuser's deliberate actions or their own withdrawal to protect themselves. This isolation traps them in a web of dependence, where fear of the unknown, financial instability, or losing custody of their children keeps them captive. Fear becomes the anchor that hinders their escape, making them feel as if they have no alternative but to endure the abusive relationship. For some emotionally abused women, toxic cycles witnessed during their formative years may unconsciously influence their choices. Growing up in households where emotional abuse was normalized can perpetuate the belief that fear is an inevitable part of love and relationships. These ingrained patterns lead them to tolerate mistreatment, even when aware of its destructive nature. Breaking free from this conditioning requires immense strength and external support. Emotional abusers often employ tactics such as threats of violence, blackmail, or intimidation to maintain control over their victims. These tactics instill legitimate fear, making it difficult for women to envision a future outside of the abusive relationship. Fear becomes a survival instinct, overpowering any small seeds of hope that may exist within their hearts.

Understanding why emotionally abused women choose to fear their abusers is crucial for creating a compassionate society that supports survivors. It is essential to remember that fear does not indicate weakness but is rather a response to the inhumane tactics employed by emotional abusers. By shedding light on these complex dynamics, we can empower survivors, encourage open conversations, and foster a culture of empathy and support. Let us stand together, ready to offer understanding and resources to help break the chains of fear and reclaim the lives of those affected by emotional abuse.

In about thirty minutes, I am going to face abusive, misogynist, spoiled young men who think it's okay to use and abuse women. I am going to remain calm, cool and keep my mouth shut. Because what is the point? I'm going to let their disrespect go because you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I know. I have raised horses. I have also tried to pour water down the throat of a dying baby goat who had no hope to live. You can't make them drink either. Sometimes you can give a dying goat CPR and help them live. Sometimes they live full long lives and sometimes they live with a few kinks in their brains. The young men of this new generation is not learning how to be a leader, manager, but they are learning how to dominate, use and abuse. Until they learn on their own, they will not learn from the prey they enjoy toying with.




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