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Writer's pictureJae Byrd Wells

Replacing Obsession with Healthy Choices

Updated: Jun 9, 2024



a rope twisted into knots
Loops creating knots

As humans, we all have coping mechanisms that we turn to in times of distress or turmoil. However, not all coping mechanisms are created equal. Some can actually do more harm than good in the long run, leading to further negative outcomes and perpetuating a cycle of unhealthy behaviors.

One bad coping mechanism that I personally struggled with in the past was obsessing over someone to rescue me. I would latch onto individuals who I believed could save me from my own internal struggles and provide me with the love and support I so desperately craved. This obsession consumed my thoughts and actions, leading me down a dangerous path of dependency and reliance on another person for my own well-being.

Psychologically speaking, this kind of behavior can be attributed to attachment theory, specifically the anxious-preoccupied attachment style. Individuals with this attachment style often seek out constant reassurance and validation from others, leading to a cycle of neediness and dependency on their partners.

I found myself trapped in a loop of constantly making decisions based on how it would affect the person I was obsessed with, rather than what was truly best for myself. This narrow focus on one individual clouded my judgment and hindered my ability to make rational decisions. At the time, I believed that my obsession with this person acted as a protective shield, shielding me from the harsh realities of life and providing me with a sense of security and comfort. However, in reality, it was actually destroying my life and preventing me from growing and developing as an individual. Recognizing and acknowledging our unhealthy coping mechanisms is a crucial step towards personal growth and healing. For me, one of the most challenging behaviors to come to terms with was my obsession over a particular person. It took me years to fully understand and accept the destructive nature of my fixation, and even longer to break free from its grip.

I first realized I was obsessed with this person when I noticed that my thoughts seemed to revolve around them constantly. I found myself constantly checking their social media, dissecting every interaction we had, and daydreaming about a future that may never come to fruition. It became clear to me that my attachment to this individual was unhealthy and unsustainable and I need to start replacing obsession with healthy choices of coping.

As I delved deeper into the reasons behind my obsession, I uncovered a deep-seated need for validation and approval from others. This need stemmed from past experiences of rejection and abandonment, which had left me feeling unworthy and unlovable. My obsession with this person served as a way to fill this void and seek the external validation I so desperately craved.

Despite recognizing the root causes of my obsession, I still found myself tempted to slip back into old patterns whenever I felt vulnerable or lonely. The pull of familiarity was strong, and the allure of seeking comfort in something familiar was enticing. However, I made a conscious decision to break the cycle and choose healthier coping mechanisms instead.

One of the ways I now combat the urge to revert back to my obsession is by turning to music as a source of comfort and catharsis. Music has the power to soothe my soul and lift my spirits in a way that no person ever could. Whenever I feel tempted to fall back into old habits, I immerse myself in the melodies and lyrics that speak to my heart and soul.

Additionally, I have made a conscious effort to limit my time on social media, as I recognize the insidious impact it can have on my mental well-being. The instant gratification and reward system that technology feeds only serve to perpetuate my unhealthy coping mechanisms, making it all too easy to seek solace in a virtual world rather than confronting the real issues at hand.

By choosing to ignore the siren song of my obsession and embrace alternative coping skills like music, I have taken a significant step towards breaking free from destructive patterns and fostering self-love and resilience. It is a journey filled with ups and downs, but one that ultimately leads to greater self-awareness and personal growth. The road to healing may be long and at times arduous, but with perseverance and determination, I know that I can overcome any obstacle that stands in my way. Breaking free from this destructive coping mechanism was not easy, but it was necessary for my own well-being. I had to slowly wean myself off of my obsession by setting boundaries and focusing on my own self-care and personal growth. I also sought out therapy to help me understand the root causes of my need for external validation and to learn healthier coping skills. Emotional abuse is a deeply damaging form of mistreatment that can have long-lasting effects on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. For me, emotional abuse was the catalyst that triggered my unhealthy obsession with finding someone to rescue me from the pain and trauma I experienced.

Growing up in a toxic and emotionally abusive environment, I learned to associate love and validation with pain and suffering. I was constantly belittled, criticized, and manipulated by those closest to me, leaving me feeling unworthy and unlovable. The emotional scars left by this abuse festered over time, creating a deep-seated need for external validation and approval.

As I navigated through life, the effects of the emotional abuse continued to haunt me, leading me to seek out relationships and connections that mirrored the dysfunction I had grown accustomed to. I was drawn to individuals who exhibited manipulative and controlling behaviors, as their toxic patterns felt familiar and comforting in a twisted way.

In my quest for love and acceptance, I became fixated on finding someone who could rescue me from the pain and trauma of my past. I believed that by attaching myself to another person, I could fill the void left by emotional abuse and finally feel whole and complete. This unhealthy obsession with finding a savior became my coping mechanism, a way to escape the harsh realities of my past and present.

However, what I failed to realize at the time was that seeking salvation in another person was only perpetuating the cycle of abuse and dependency. By placing my worth and happiness in the hands of someone else, I was relinquishing control over my own life and well-being, allowing the cycle of abuse to continue unchecked.

It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and faced the harsh reality of my obsession that I began to unravel the intricate web of trauma and dysfunction that had led me to this point. Through therapy and self-reflection, I was able to uncover the root causes of my obsession and confront the pain and trauma that I had spent so long running from.

As I began to heal and grow, I realized that the key to breaking free from the grip of emotional abuse and obsession was to cultivate self-love and resilience from within. I learned to rely on myself for validation and approval, rather than seeking it from external sources. I also discovered healthier coping mechanisms, such as therapy, mindfulness, and creative outlets, that allowed me to process and release the pain and trauma of my past in a constructive and empowering way.

While the journey towards healing and self-discovery is ongoing, I am grateful for the lessons learned and the growth experienced along the way. I now understand that true healing begins from within, and that no external source can rescue me from the pain and trauma of my past. By acknowledging the role that emotional abuse played in triggering my obsession and taking steps towards self-love and resilience, I am reclaiming my power and forging a path towards a brighter and more empowered future.

In order to break an obsession and replace it with healthier coping mechanisms, it is important to first identify the root cause of the behavior. Once you understand why you are turning to a particular coping mechanism, you can begin to work on addressing those underlying issues through therapy or self-reflection.

It is also important to practice self-care and develop a strong support system of friends and family who can help you through this journey of change. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can also help redirect your focus away from your obsession and towards positive alternatives.

Ultimately, learning to let go of destructive coping mechanisms and replacing them with healthier alternatives is a challenging but rewarding process. By taking the steps to break free from harmful behaviors and cultivate self-love and resilience, you can begin to heal and create a more fulfilling and balanced life for yourself.






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